by Eddie Griffin
I
admit that I am confused as to what is child abuse, and at what point does
disciplining a child becomes abusive. This is the public debate now surrounding
the case of Minnesota NFL running back Adrian Peterson.
When
did corporal punishment become a crime? Is this an ex-post facto law applied to Peterson? It used to be that a parent
could “warm them buns”, “tan that hide”, or even “take the hide off” a
disobedient child, without fear of going to jail. So, who changed the rules of
engagement about chastening a child for misbehaving?
If
we are going to rewrite the laws, according to contemporary ideals, I guess an
old school mother could be charged with “making a terroristic threat” for
simply saying “I brought you into the world and I will take you out.” As horrible
as it may sound, there was usually no love lost between mother and child.
It
is only be a matter of what the state choses to make of it. In the case of
Adrian Peterson, they have chosen to move the goal post. What was once lawful
and scriptural seems to have now become a crime. Sorry, I didn’t get the memo.
I
grew up in the bible belt of Texas, where black parents tried to raise their
children according to the scriptures (Proverbs 22:6).
It was not uncommon for a parent to discipline a child with a switch for acting
up in church. Proverbs
23:13 says: Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beat him with the
rod, he shall not die. Another translation says: Don't withhold discipline from a
child -if you beat him with a stick, he won't die!
Clearly,
this relates to the use of the switch when chastising a child. As someone said,
“To not do so is a disservice to the child.” The bible talks about letting a child
go undisciplined and uncorrected in Hebrews 12:8.
It
seems that child abuse is arbitrarily based upon a perception or misperception
of a parent injuring or killing a child. From a child’s vantage point, of
course a whipping seems like mama or daddy is going to kill us. Yet the
scriptures insist that “he won’t die”? The abuse comes in whenever a parent
whips a child out of angry emotions and without compassion. But as my mother
used to say before a whipping, “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts
you.” I never understood how that could be so until I become a parent myself.
Our
parents believed that a whipping would instill the fear of God in us. But more
dreaded than the fear of the Almighty was fear of papa and to hear mother say, “just
wait till your daddy gets home”. That was sure terror, because it meant the
punishment would be certain. And we children had the awful chore of finding a
suitable switch to furnish papa.
But
fathers have limits also, according to the scriptures. He is commanded by God
not to provoke their children to wrath (Ephesians 6:4).
This means that though he can use corporal punishment for discipline, he is not
to go overboard such as to instill within the child hate, anger, and rage.
Sadly, many parents do not know where to draw that line.
Self-discipline
begins with discipline at home. However, though our desire as parents may be
the same in bringing up our children the right way, our methods of discipline
are not the same. There is no textbook solution to child rearing. As my mother pointed
out to her Child Psychology professor, she was more an expert on the subject
than the author of the book, having given birth to six children herself. Each
child was different, she insisted. Therefore, each child was treated
differently.
One
of the things she learned was to “never try to discipline a child while you are
angry.” And one more, I might note from my own observation: “A drunken father
should never handle the switch.” These things lead to child abuse.
The
needs of a child in one family may differ from the needs of a child from
another background. One parent may not have to worry about disciplining a
3-year old for picking up beer cans and draining the content, because empty
beer cans may not be so prevalent in their neighborhood. But for inner city
children, there are a multitude of additional risks, such as teen drinking,
drug experimentation, early teen pregnancy, and juvenile crimes. Teaching our
children in the inner city neighborhoods to avoid these risks require a much sterner
and steady hand, and should not be weakened by shifting mores.
Knowing
the greater risks our children must face, we opt not to pamper our children as
some do. The bible says that children who go without discipline are not true
children of God (Hebrews
12:8). Like 14-year old Ethan Couch who got drunk, got behind the wheel of
his parents’ car, and went out and killed 4 innocent people in a car wreck, he could
plead not guilty because he suffered from “Affluenza”.
While
children with undiagnosed ADHD and autism may be arbitrarily judged competent
and punished in school, this little rich kid was pampered all his life. Having
never been punished, he did not understand and appreciate the serious
consequences for his actions. So, psychology creates this figment disorder
called “affluenza” and the courts gave him a slap on the risk.
On
the other hand, I was equally appalled and dismayed at a video of a 7-year old
black kid who stole his grandmother’s car and went joyriding with another
7-year old. Barely being able to see over the steering wheel, he wound up
crashing several cars and destroying property. Afterwards, the child boasted that
doing “bad things” was “fun”. His grandmother agonized over what she could do.
She would whip his butt, she declared, but “she was afraid of going to jail.”
Isn’t this what is happening to all our black parents and grandparents? Because
they use whipping as a means of correction, they are portrayed as violent and
unloving.
Sadly,
one of the commentators recommended the solution to the 7-year old boy’s
problem was to put him in juvenile detention. Instead of allowing the parents
their traditional means of correcting bad behavior, they would take the power
out of the hands of the parents, and use the power of the state to criminalize him,
and mar him for the rest of the his life. So the grandmother is left helpless
for fear of the law. If and when a black child goes wild, these will be the very
same people who ask, “Where are the parents?” Don’t they realize that they have
rendered the parents useless and ineffective by their pious judgments and
condemnations?
Like
Adrian Peterson, I use a switch on my grandchildren, as I used on my son and
daughter some 25 years ago. In fact, I carried one in the car at all time and also
at church. A gentle tap on the legs reminds them to turn around in church and behave
themselves. It is not going to kill them, though they may cry like their little
worlds are coming to an end.
Of
course, no child likes to be chastened (Hebrews 12:11).
Who does? But a child must know that a whipping stings like a bee. The gentle
tap on the leg is only a reminder that it could be worse. The end of the
teaching is to instill good behavior and right decision making.
Some
parents of privileged means seem to think such teachings comes by osmosis. Some
might think that taking a little flesh taken off the hide of a four-year old is
too harsh. Instead, they would second guess the judgment of the parent (as if they
were wiser), and advocate non-corporal means of punishment, such as losing
their privileges for a week. This is what happened to the 7-year old who stole
his grandmother’s car: No video games for a week.
I
have seen this difference in punitive treatment growing up in the 1950s, when a
black child could get hide tanned at home, by a neighbor, or at school for
wrongdoing. The coach at school used a paddle, and the principal used a strap. Therewith,
we learned respect for adults and authority. It was instilled in us like a nail
hammered in wood, because we knew the consequence would be painful corporal
punishment.
It
worked in segregated black schools. But corporal punishment was taken away, and
eventually the coach’s paddled was outlawed. In its place came in-house
suspensions, expulsions, and criminalization for behavioral offenses. But secretly,
we still use the old school method of punishment in the African-American
community, because pampering a child only spoils them.
I
learned something from my aunt, when she was a housekeeper for a very wealthy
family and nanny for their children. She cleaned house, cooked, cared for the
kids, and took them to the segregated movie houses or downtown. She was
permitted to carry a gun for their protection, but she was never allowed to
spank either child.
I
saw the same pattern when integration of the schools came along in the 1970s.
As long as the teachers, principals, and coaches routinely whipped black children
as a means of punishment, it was okay. But after integration there was a
clamoring among privileged families to not hit their children. Not only did
this take away school officials’ and teachers’ authority and their most effective
means of control, it undermined their better judgment.
Therefore,
people now ask why there is so much chaos in the classrooms. Why is there so
much bullying? Why don’t parents do more to control their children?
The
truth is the system has taken the controls out of the parents’ hand. And, those
controls are being even more eroded by taking the power of discipline out of
the hands of fathers like Adrian Peterson. From the whelps I have seen on the
legs of his four-year old son, there are only whelps and broken skin, but no broken
bones, black eyes, or fractured skull.
As
a loving grandfather, I have left worse marks on the back of a two-year old
granddaughter, who decided to run away from home with her three-year old
brother, each wearing their backpacks. The two of them made it a mile down a
busy highway before a kind motorist spotted them and brought them home.
Grandpa
was called in to do the unpleasant task of disciplining them. At first, I went
lighter on the 2-year old than the 3-year old. But my granddaughter defiantly
went back into street, not once, but twice, showing her intention to disobey.
She had no sense of danger, which most kids don’t. Cars were swerving around
her to keep from hitting her.
Scolding,
timeout, taking her dolls for punishment, and all that was out of the question.
I had to insure that this incident was not repeated. So, I whipped her with a
switch on her naked back and it made her mama cry. Nevertheless, there is a
line a child must not cross, at all cost.
As
a grandparent, I can better understand why, during slavery time, black fathers
would sometimes intervene on behalf of a disobedient slave son who were about
to be lashed by the slave master. The father would plead to whip some sense
into the boy himself, rather than let the slave master whip him. Though black people
derided this practice which was carried on for centuries, we now realize the
father was looking out for the life and wellbeing of the child. His whipping
would not kill the child. There was no such empathy on the part of the slave
master.
And
so it is today. A black father would rather chastise his child, his way,
himself, rather than allow a wayward child to fall into the hands of the
police, so that the state can punish him for the rest of his life.